“Money is nice…But who do you spend it with?” the lady said to me.

The myth of the “gold digger” is firmly planted in our masculine psyches as we have been warned by our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and—yes—the media, that we should be on the look-out for bad women only seeking riches and ruin our lives in their frenzied search.

Aside from some outliers, most women view money differently than men. They like to watch a good spectacle and share impressions with friends; they like to travel to learn more. And a comfortable lifestyle for their loved ones.

Researchers of University of California-Riverside and the University of Cambridge found that only the first 1,000 Pounds deposited in the accounts of 585 UK bank clients were much more important for their happiness than the next 9,000 pounds they had.

If men are biologically wired to seek attractive women that can bear them healthy offspring, women are inclined to choose men that can offer security. However the new paradigm of an independent, empowered feminine gender has markedly changed the expectations of both sexes in the courting and mating habits of our modern times.

Financially secure, work enlightened and socially empowered women want to share their successes with an affectionate, understanding lifetime partner. They are struggling to share their successes “with” someone, not “without.”

Dr. Kate Levinson, psychotherapist and author, says the issues of financial control and responsibility have strong emotional undertones for women. She tells them to come to terms with their feelings about being “rich” or “poor” and explore their “inner money life” in order to obtain positive outcomes.

Last week I visited an old friend and we sat down to watch a basketball game. Half an hour later his wife stepped in and planted herself right smack in front of the TV set.   -“Listen, with my new promotion , I’ll earn more than you do…Got any problems?” -“Of course not, dear,” he said. “Now please step aside and bring us a cold beer, eh?”

What do you want me to say? Those quaint, sexist habits die a very slow death indeed.

What do you think? Please tell us.

Don’t leave me alone.

7 thoughts on “It’s not only about money

  1. Money is nice…But who do you spend it with? that’s a very good question….. nowadays, more and more women work and have good wages….. we can say that they don’t need men anymore, that’s why they leave their husbands when something gets wrong. I left mine 10 years ago. I had a job. What would I have done if I’d been a “desperate housewife”?
    So we divorce more and more, some of us try to get as much money as possible from our ex (see Amber Head and Johnny Depp! ok I read tabloids….)some of us just want to be independant, some of us find another man, but very often, freedom is the “friend” of loneliness. So who do we spend our money with?
    Most of the men I loved earned less than me… hazard or unconscious choice?
    My husband had much better wages, and I really didn’t like that. My money was no longer my money, it was swallowed by his. I didn’t dare to spend for myself. I just didn’t allow myself to do it. Am I alone in this case?
    Now I have a nice job, average wages, ends of months are not a problem. That’s all I expect from money. Feel secure. Be able to take my kids on holidays. What else?

    1. Dear Veronique: good morning and thank you very much for your pointed commentary. You are definitely not alone in this dilemma about how to handle the money issue in a long term relationship. We do hope that our daughters will be better able to negotiate the monetary terms in their relationships. Even though you seem at ease in your present life, I think that you are a romantic lady that would not mind finding a “significant other” to share it. Un gros bisou. A bientot.

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