-“Doctor…I started moaning like Meg Ryan—just wanted to get him off me.”

Alexandra X. is a young married secretary with two children that confided me one of the least discussed and more camouflaged issues in any medical practice. Except in the special setting of psychiatric or community health practices, patients don’t talk about it and physicians don’t ask.Once in a blue moon the touchy subject of lack of satisfaction in the bed comes to the fore, revealing the extent of women’s emotional frustration.

Gary Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendric of the University of Leeds developed a questionnaire for women ranging from 18 to 48 olds where they divided female responses to sex into three groups:

  1. Silence
  2. Moan/groan.
  3. Scream/shriek/squeal.
  4. Instructional commands

The investigators found that women used their vocalizations, not to express real sexual pleasure, but to incite their partners’ ejaculation due to boredom, fatigue, discomfort and time constraints due to the social or family agendas. Almost 92% of them felt that these vocalizations boosted manly self-esteem.

Scientists from Yale University and Cincinnati Children’s Hospital proposed that the female orgasm used to be primordial to induce ovulation in our ancestors as it promoted the discharge of prolactin and oxytocin hormones. This reproductive reflex became superfluous in later human generations due to social and cultural conditioning, relieving it of its reproductive function. As a result scientists have proposed that the clitoris started to migrate backwards, radically reducing its sensory stimuli during the coital penetration. What’s a lady to do? If she wants to avoid the banishment of her Eros-spirit to the sombre and barren outer confines of  Dildoland, she might have to take a “hands-on” approach.

Long, long time ago (before I became a monk of Medicine) a sexy lady  “d’une certaine âge” asked me, panting, to correspond her sublime oral entreaties with “you know what.” As I was maladroitly pursuing the elusive target of the only fully dedicated sex organ in the human species, she pulled me out of the theatre of operations and scolded me:

-“Stop it! You’re firing blindly.Must learn what to aim for first… Go get that hand mirror on the commode.”

She lectured me about the details of her external anatomy. I watched. I listened. I touched. I practiced.

What do you want me to say? When you’re a rookie, a little “tough love” from a seasoned drill instructor can make a big difference in a career…

What do you think? Please tell us.

Don’t leave me alone.

13 thoughts on “The noisy charade

  1. It’s really amazing that you are the first woman that dared to put a commentary, even though it was viewed by many before you. Don’t you think that there’s too much hypocrisy in today’s relationships? Women are reluctant to speak up!

    1. I know, too many taboos, too many expectations (how we should behave, how we should dress, talk and walk, what is decent, what is vulgar, and so on). If you go with the flow, we refuse to think outside the box, which I guess sets women like me apart. The question is: how emancipated are we?

  2. Women are often very loud to boost manly self-esteem, that’s true. Let’s face it, some of the most common insecurities in men, besides finances and hair loss, is their sexual ability: does she compare me with her past lovers, did she cum, is she enjoying as much as I do, am I rocking her world or she’s counting sheep?
    It’s also very age (read: experience)- related. I used to scream like crazy when I was a rookie, though I didn’t always enjoy sex. With time, as I began to understand my body, and get to know my desires and needs, I learned how to enjoy more, pace myself and my lover when needed, and eventually have an orgasm each time. So, now, I do it all, because I love it (besides being quite aware of its impact on my lover):
    Instructional commands
    (screaming, ok…..from time to time, but hopefully nobody needs to call the police)

    I also read somewhere that women with small breasts are more active lovers because they, probably unconsciously, put more effort into lovemaking, to compensate for the lack of visual stimuli. What do you think, dottore?

    1. Good afternoon my dear Bojana and thanks for this astounding, complete commentary about this touchy issue. So you do it all nowadays? I’d love to watch your demeanour…from a prudent distance and without any kind of participation(my monastic vows of chastity impede me) Un baccione. Arrivederci!

    2. Long, long time ago (before I became a monk of Medicine) two police officers knocked on our hotel door because another guest staying in the same floor had called the station, alarmed at a lady’s screaming out…

      1. By the way, thank you for recommending me to Brandewulf who has just sent me a nice message by email. The same one you stubbornly refuse to use. Pity. I wanted to discuss the details of the special prize I got for you once you complete your marathonic review of the whole ” Emotional frustration” series. A posto!

      2. Will be there. Gee, are you persistent.
        He’s not the only one I recommended you to. I’ve been leaving your blog link everywhere I could. Now it’s up to them if they want to follow.

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