-“Doctor…Need to see him once per week—can’t live without it.”

Sheila X. is an attractive middle-aged nurse, supposedly happily married to a good, friendly, affectionate man and with two teenage children still living at home. But something is sorely missing in her life.She confessed that the only way to slog through all her commitments is to furtively date an also married physician once per week in a cheap motel in Calle 8, hardly her kind’s cup of tea.

Maria Isabel Sanchez, a journalist and radio host from Buenos Aires, wrote the book “Las Infieles” where she says that even though men are still more unfaithful than women, the latter are catching up fast.  The surge in feminine infidelity might be related to the “economic liberation’ of women that has freed their libidinal impulses without the fear of being left out in the cold.

Women are far better at histrionics than men and it is far easier for them to conceal an adventurous relationship with the complicity of her girlfriends. Men brag about their conquests but women are more perfidious. What are the signs that a woman might be having an extra-marital affair? They are:

  1. Suddenly having her cellular phone out of the reach of her partner.
  2. Excessively worry about her appearance.
  3. Make plans with friends unknown to her partner.
  4. Being unusually emotional and happy.
  5. Arrive home late from work and being hard to reach.
  6. The sudden impulse to hide her feelings.
  7. Being sarcastic and indifferent in her relationship.
  8. Lack of interest in her partner and common activities.
  9. Flirting with other men (or women) that might be old friends.
  10. Loss of libido and disdain for her partner.

The last trait might be the easiest to conceal, as supposedly women are less interested in sex than men, for which the latter oftentimes miss it altogether.

In my novel, Maurizio, one of my three main characters, debuts as a lover with Renata, a married woman, that teaches him the ropes of good loving. Her far too busy husband did not have an inkling of her well-camouflaged affair until the tragic denouement.

Long, long time ago, before I became a monk of Medicine, I fully enjoyed a loving tryst with a gorgeous nurse in the complicity of our on-call schedules.Everything was fun until one day we planned a date in her house when her husband, a traveling salesman that did happen to resemble Willy Loman, was away.

After we made passionate love in her bedroom, she got up and went downstairs to fix dinner. On my way to the toilet,I saw some pictures of the couple’s travels displayed side by side on the commode; I suddenly felt like an interloper that was breaking a family.

-“Sorry to ask, “ I told her when I sat at the table, “don’t you feel guilty about our affair?”

-“Of course I do,” she said. “But women are used to carry on with guilt on their shoulders. We feel guilty for everything….I can handle it… More mashed potatoes, dear?”

After that day, I never dared to call or date her again. What do you want me to say? Women carry a burden that men would never be able to handle with so much allure.

What do you think? Please tell us.

Don’t leave me alone.

 

 

2 thoughts on “The unfaithful partner

  1. La infidelidad, como tu explicas, querido Mario, responde a varios motivos, mucho más en estos tiempos de tentaciones virtuales y de amores líquidos. Yo creo que el tema fundamental es cómo enfrentar la post crisis. En mi experiencia como terapeuta son más las parejas que deciden encarar el tema y enfrentarlo juntos. Una situación posible en el ámbito vincular que merece ser comunicada, y por lo menos, puesta a consideración: ¿Y ahora qué hacemos con esto que sucedió?. La apertura al problema ayuda, acerca; lo que no aporta es la necesidad casi morbosa de saber punto por punto cómo, cuándo, dónde, en un interrogatorio casi detectivesco. Nada de esto colabora al reencuentro, menos que menos los reproches, los castigos, o informar a los hijos de lo sucedido para buscar alianzas. La comunicación profunda entre las partes, reafirmar los sentimientos, evaluar juntos alternativas saludables, generar proyectos, ayuda a avanzar, sin olvidar lo sucedido, pero con acciones firmes para proseguir juntos. Y si no es posible de nada vale forzar una relación que ya está terminada. En estos casos hay que ser sinceros con uno mismo y con el otro. El regodeo en la crisis alimenta más la angustia y las conductas violentas.

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    1. Querido Walter: buenas noches y muchas gracias por este extenso y siempre ponderado comentario tuyo. Como terapeuta con una rica experiencia en estas situaciones dificiles, estas mas interesado en buscar alguna salida decorosa, en la medida de lo posible, que en chapotear en la misma cienaga. Te mando un gran abrazo y por favor segui iluminandonos el camino.

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