-“Doctor, why should people assume that we’re not a good family?”
Bruna X. is an entrepreneurial immigrant from Brazil who, after being abandoned by her husband two years ago, has been able to raise her two children with the profits of a cafeteria and her mother’s help. She gets mad every time that anybody questions that there is not “a man in the house.”
If we have to choose a word to define the experience of single parenting it would be “isolation”. The single parent (the great majority are women, but increasing number of men as well) is effectively isolated from the mainstream message that promotes the dire need for an integrated family. Single parents are isolated from their family members, from their coworkers, from their friends, from the casual contacts that make life worth living.
Raising children alone takes a great commitment of time and financial efforts, especially in a modern society that has not a full safety net like the USA. Even in the ideal case of Nordic European societies, with great benefits and good state supervision, single parents may ultimately lack the social and family support that a traditional family enjoys, and usually takes for granted.
Child rearing means being always attentive at all their minor and major developments to share with the “significant others” in our lives. The sole company of a small child and the lack of adult conversation are two alienating factors for thousands of modern women (and a few men as well). To make matters worse, oftentimes these individuals are separated from their close family members who disagree with their atypical lifestyle choices.
Our society provides tons of reading material and media discussions about self-parenting but not an iota of understanding for flexible work and holiday schedules that are in fact mandatory to raise healthy children. We talk too much and do too little to extend a helping hand to these parents. As a result the self-esteem, and ultimate social worthiness, of them suffer. Perhaps the increasing role of women in positions of power will change it.
What do you think? Please tell us.
Don’t leave me alone.
20 thoughts on “The single Mom”
I was very touched by a friend’s situation, a single mom of three. Now check this out. She was entitled to a social apartment with all costs covered when she had two. After she got her third kid, the city stopped covering her costs (utility bills and stuff). How humane is that? Let me remind you, we like in Germany.
Single moms are said to have the highest rate of poverty across all demographic groups. It’s a must that they take advantage of all help available, such as state-funded child care programs, medical and dental insurance plans and so on to at least ease some of the financial strain.
Then, we shouldn’t underestimate the emotional effects of single parenting, besides the financial one.s Kids often blame themselves for their parents’ decision to split up and often feel sad, lonely, scared and/or anxious.
I was again touched, not to say surprised, by another friend’s decision to barely stay on speaking terms with his once significant other since she alas! cheated on him. I tried to explained to him he needed to continue as close as possible a relationship with his ex-wife for the sake of his children, which could soothe some of the fears and frustrations they might face. I don’t think he listened.
Lastly, there’s a great level of stress and depression single parents face. It’s hard. They have kids to tend to while trying not to ignore their own needs, which they often do. This is a dangerous ground and unless they learn to take better care of themselves and deal with their demons (or ask for professional help, if needed), the (fragile) stability of the home environment is seriously threatened.
How did I do, dottore?
Dottore, I made I mistake when pasting my comment. Copied by mistake everything I had on my doc. My comment should start with ‘I was very touched.’
Cara, I will take anything coming out of your lovely hands. You’re never wrong with me. Yes, dear.
I know you would.
Made some typos too, so you might as well correct them.
Never. I am blindfolded by my romantic attachment to your marvelous writings.
How come my comments here are spot-on for you and my own musings (on my blog)….what was it again…sloppy?!
I never said that dear. I said that the quasi-Joycian outpouring was a little bit sloppy because it took up a sizeable portion of your article. Even James Joyce had to edit what he wrote sometimes. So you’re holding that grudge against me? Women.
Don’t throw the ‘women’ card at me, dottore. You can do better than that.
That’s what stream of consciousness is all about, you never know how big of a portion it will take.
I just fixed it.
Good morning dear Bojana and thanks for this great commentary. You graciously provided the names and links to literary places that I will check soon; I will mention that you recommended them of course. I was struck by two critical issues in your commentary. First of all, I can’t possibly understand like an ageing, and in many aspects ankylosing, society like Germany would curtail the necessary benefits to young children, no matter where they are coming from. They need children, badly!
The other issue is that I can’t still possibly understand how a divorcing parent might translate the hate and/or resentment to his/her/ihr former partner on their children. They are not to blame for our sins and they need our love. Period. End of discussion.
Don’t you agree my dearest friend?
Un grosso baccione. Arrivederci!
I do agree and if you ask me that’s utterly selfish, holding a grudge like that. I understand couples are frustrated and stressed out and angry but children should always come first. No matter what.
As for Germany, you’re right. They are an ageing nation so, pragmatic as they are, they should think twice. They are importing so many immigrants (primarily Muslims who as a rule have many kids) precisely for this reason. So, I don’t understand it either.
P.S. Once again, could you please delete all those links above? They were not meant for you. Thanks.
I’ll try to do it later but be aware that I am technologically challenged dear.
Good evening and thanks for the commentary. Of course IT IS a spiritual undertaking as you’re helping those poor souls cleanse their minds of all the rubbish of a fast paced, consumerist and villanous modern society. The Good Lord works in mysterious ways dear friend. When I go to Aruba I will stay in your place.
Un baccione. Arrivederci!
Currently I manage departments in a 5 star hotel, to spiritual? I hope not 😊 I love the Lord yes.
I’m sorry for the misspelling. It should read: what business are you in?
Good post and yes we should look out more for our single parent employees. I will keep that in mind with my employees- thank you for pointing that out 😊
Good afternoon and thanks for reading my article. I’m glad you like it. Your blog looks very spiritual, a little too much for someone who has a business. What is this?
I fully agree with what you are saying here. Raising a child takes a village as the old saying goes. Unfortunately like most situations, people do a lot of talking around a certain topic but tangible help is still lacking. How we can fix this is a lengthy process that needs everyone’s input.
Good morning and thanks for the commentary. There’s too much talking and little helping indeed. We got to push all together so society does take heed to single Moms’ needs. Un baccione. Arrivederci!