-“Doctor…I can’t stand my husband’s mother… She’s simply impossible!”

How many times have we heard the same feminine complaint against them? The mother-in-law is oftentimes the “bête noire” in a functioning couple. No matter how hard they try to minimize her emotional impact in their couple, many women resent their oftentimes meddlesome ways with their sons.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar said that the great number of break-ups in couple relationships in our modern times is directly related to the lack of patience. We are mentally wired to expect and ask for fast solutions to our problems; we cannot wait for issues to unravel on their own, fearing the unpredictability. The rush for a resolution of any conflict dooms the chance of a more labored but reasonable solution for all the parties involved.

In the recently formed couples, her husband’s family is an unknown factor in a wife’s life that has to be dealt with tact and patience in order to succeed. What do mother-in-laws want? They want to keep the love of their sons and don’t want to be excluded from the important aspects of his life and work.

She watches your movements. She second-guesses your intentions. She talks about you behind your back. Nothing is too good for “her baby.” Even you. Especially you.

There is another woman around that has had a similarly critical eye for you. Your very own mother. How many times did you listen to her bantering? If you could take your mother’s critique, why not listen to this other woman?

Where there is belonging and intimacy, there is always some kind of friction. In the rare situations where the critique is not warranted or is plainly malicious, a patient attitude might finally disarm the offender or counteract her aim. A big smile and a little patience can go a long way to keep peace in the hearth.

One excellent way to increase our capacity for tolerance with other people is to fine-tune our breathing techniques like we learn in the practice of Yoga; and sometimes a new bride has to sit on a bed of nails like a Brahmin. Anyway women are always appraising the pros and cons of a relationship.

What do you think? Please tell us.

Don’t leave me alone.

4 thoughts on “The obnoxious mother-in-law

  1. Good morning and thanks again for your commentary. I refrained from commenting on your commentary because even though you were right you still cannot see the full picture. As a wife you surely expect to have a healthy, mature bonding with your partner without the unduly interference of his mother. But when he’s a “Mammone” (like I proudly have been) you have a hard time ignoring and/or sidelining her input into the couple’s affairs. Mmm…Imagine what will happen in just a few years down the road when your son behaves like that when he’s in a steady couple relationship. Will you turn him away?

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  2. Oedipus complex occurs oftentimes at an age when man is expected to be independent, economically and emotionally. But, mom often knows best, she cooks best, she doesn’t judge and won’t nag. Running away from having to face your wife. Being scared of her. Castration anxiety, the feeling your wife will make you less of a man.
    It may also appear with girls, that is women, in a form of penis envy, wishful thinking. A wish be more dominant, which is a feature attributed mostly to men.

    I blame couples for not finding the strength to talk openly without anyone’s interference, let alone mothers’. On the other hand, we often have dominant and overprotective moms who tend to defend their ‘kid’ although noone’s attacking.

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