-“Doctor…My girlfriend just dumped him—and I’ve always liked him.”
Amongst the trickiest situations a lady can find herself in modern times is to start dating the former boyfriend or husband of one of her closest friends. And it puts all her counsellors, including us physicians, in a tricky bind.
Unlike many men—who wouldn’t even dither at the real chance of having a romantic tryst with one of his girlfriend’s female buddies—women in general place their close friendship with other women in pride of place. Considering that women are terribly territorial (yes ladies, face the truth), it doesn’t really matter if she had dumped that deadbeat years ago. She still considers him as part of her story and is unwilling to share him in any form except as fodder for continuing criticism and sarcasm in her conversations.
Sandra X. told me about her personal quagmire in my office many years ago. She then proceeded to ask that most dreadful question:” what should I do?” You might be wondering what I said. Surely not a detached: “dunno know.” At the time I was younger and less conservative in my dealings with women.
-“ Well, this is really difficult….But I think that you should be the one that breaks the news to her before even going into the first date with him, eh.”
-“Asking her for permission?”
-“Not that…Just tell her what’s going on and that you’re emotionally torn.”
Following my advice, Sandra told her friend about the possibility of dating her Ex. On hearing the news she got extremely upset, to the point that she never talked to her again. Dismissing her friend’s anger, Sandra went on a date with her former boyfriend. It went so well that they had another one…Then they went on a trip….They finally got married. Now they have a solid family with two beautiful children, something she always wanted.
Sandra was steadfast and valiant in a decision that changed her life forever.Perhaps that valour might be more difficult to muster in our hyper-connected age where you can count on the predictable backlash in all the social media. However I do believe that women are more courageous than men overall; if she believes that he might be a good prospect, she will take that leap of faith.
Les femmes…Celles qui nous poussent a devenir un peu plus courageux.
What do you think? Please tell us.
Don’t leave me alone.