-“Doctor…My husband does not want to have sex—I’m desperate.”
Claudia X. is a very good looking and charming lady in her early 40s that had decided to stay at home to take care of the couple’s three children while her extremely busy physician-husband toils for long hours in his office. She dared to make that confession to me, as we’ve been good friends for years. She asked me if I had heard about a possible lover in his life, which I denied.
Her husband is not dating another woman. Her husband did not become gay. Her husband still loves and respects her. Something ominous is at play in their couple.
Her husband is just part of a growing cohort of men that refuse to have sex. What was unthinkable just a few years ago is now a reality to contend with. Women have been complaining about the unrestrained lust of men for ages. Well, now they have to face the fact that many of them are just not into it.
The “hypoactive sexual desire” is a clinical complaint that has become more common in offices of primary care practitioners, urologists and psychiatrists. Physicians should first rule out metabolic or hormonal diseases that may affect libido by performing a good clinical examination and order testing. However many patients have normal results and they still don’t want sex. It could be episodic or continuous with varying degrees of physical limitations.
An unusual degree of stress can cause symptoms like fatigue, insomnia and lack of sexual desire in most human beings but it has temporary effects. The myth of “always wanting male” applies only to young, energetic individuals. But when the desire disappears in a middle aged individual, the possibility of sexual monotony and/or a couple crisis must be addressed by professionals.
There are good sex therapists that can discuss possible remedies like:
- Techniques to foster contact with one’s body and your companion’s
- Develop better foreplay and take more time to raise the libido
- Relaxation techniques like Yoga, Aerobics, Meditation
- Changes in dietary and lifestyle habits
- Use of new intercourse figures, erotic material, toys and lubricants
What do you think? Please tell us.
Don’t leave me alone.
15 thoughts on “Men losing their desire”
I LOVE Modigliani.
BTW, I’ve never found that Nov post of yours. Which one did you have in mid?
Dear extroverted-introvert-hornier-than- ever-dear-friend. Click the “Menu” icon in my front page; then go to “Testimonials” in my “List of contents” and look for the blog titled “The first man that listened to women.” Voila!
Is that right?! Are you psychoanalyzing me, Dr. Strangelove?
Jesus Christ. Won’t you just send me a link…whenever? Thanks.
I don’t know how to do it. Rememeber that I am a man and we tend to be technologically challenged.
Remember I’m a woman and utterly disinterested in technology.
I’m 41 and hornier than ever.
Better keep my mouth shut.
While I agree that as we get older sex may not be in the forefront of our minds, I believe it is still very important to the marriage, even if the connection is only made once a week, that is healthier than not at all. My husband and I are in our late 50’s, he has had a rough year due to medical issues (prostate cancer), however, I assure you, he fought to heal so he could resume sexual activity. I was so afraid he would feel “less like a man” if things didn’t work out, although I told him all I cared about was that he was still here with me. I am so happy that he recovered fully, for his mental health and happiness more than anything.
Good morning and thanks for the great commentary dear Kim. I’m glad that your husband recovered his sexual function so you could continue enjoying the benefits of a couple’s life together. Indeed a woman does care more about the kind of company she has than the sexual frequency. It’s part of their generous ethos. Un baccione.
This was a very interesting post. I kind of think as men get older, they loose their need for sex. My husband is almost 40 and told me that sex is not the most important part of life and that he thinks sex actually can ruin lives and marriages. I have to agree with him that there are more important things in life than just sex.
Good morning dear Alyssa and thanks for your commentary. It’s true that se naturally start losing our libido after 40 years old. But there are exceptions like moi.
The thing is that I have a “medical condition”: I have been drinking “mate amargo” since I was a teenager as it is a great beverage full of nutrients and stimulants. It’s the preferred drink of students of all ages in Argentina and Uruguay because it kerps you awake and fit during the long hours in front of books or the computer. But it has a terrible side effect: it boosts your sexual desire. Please read my blog titled “Ilex Paraguarensis” in my Wellness series and you can learn about it. Un grosso baccione.