-“Doctor…Those guys just want to touch and go—more go than touch.”
Caroline X. is a gorgeous and smart graduate student who does not know if she will stay in South Florida after she gets her degree next year. As a result she has been unwilling to make a long-term romantic commitment for fear that it might diminish her chances of finding her dream job anywhere else. She has been using with mixed results the dating apps to get some company.
There are many applications of on-line dating with varying degrees of information and financial requirements for the million of users worldwide. According to our dear friend the Dottoressa Dilia, one of the very best and safe ones is Match.com as they do a good job at vetting their applicants out; moreover as it charges a monthly fee, it has more safeguards for its users.
Caroline X. narrated her latest tryst with a guy she met with a dating app. Michael was another graduate student in the same university but they only met after they received a match in the application. Even though Caroline received hundreds of propositions after she posted her information, she decided to try a date with him because he was closer in age and lifestyle. Everything went well in the beginning as they liked each other company’s and had many common interests: reading novels, listening to rock music, eating in fusion restos, walking hand in hand along the beach shore at night.
The problem arose when, after a few weeks of dating, she realized that she was feeling attached to his presence in her life and tried to convey it to him. The dating apps allow users to explicitly set certain parameters like age range, hobbies, distances, even incomes. But they also implicitly bar the discussion of some unspoken ones like duration of the relationship, the display of emotions, criticism of the partner and most of all personal details.
The users can also chose “how much penetration” they can have in their partners’ lives and likewise the kind of penetration in their own lives that they’re willing to allow them. After a few weeks of steady dating, Caroline wanted to share her emotions with him. When she off-handedly said: ” I like the way you play your guitar,” he just kept on. When one day she grabbed his hand on their way to Starbucks, he let go immediately. When she woke up early to go to her class, he didn’t even care to kiss her good-bye, let alone to fix her some breakfast. But the last straw happened a few days before she came to my office to share her emotional frustration with me. When Caroline X. casually said that her mother wanted to meet him next time she was in town, there was an ominous silence at the other end of the telephone line. Then she heard a “click.” That was it.
She never saw or heard from him again. He never returned her phone calls or messages. To add insult to injury, he totally blocked her from his Facebook and Instagram accounts. Her girlfriends noticed his sudden absence.
What do you think? Please tell us.
Don’t leave me alone.