-“Doctor…My husband likes to watch me making love with another man.”
Lucy X. is a nice looking middle aged professional who had consulted me a few years ago for the treatment of an anodyne lower urinary tract infection. She spontaneously told me that her unusually active sexual lifestyle as a member of a local Swingers’ club had probably produced the “wear” effect. Her husband, another successful professional, had prodded her to join the daring experience as he was getting bored of their couple’s sexual routine. His prolonged lassitude was a source of emotional frustration for her.
One of the commonest sexual fantasies of adults is that “our significant other” has sex with another person but it usually stays in our dreamworld. In order to execute that fantasy there must be audacity and an unequivocal understanding of the pre-arranged parameters of such an encounter. Those that participate in the swinging lifestyle usually have had extensive chats with each other where the ruleS of interaction are clearly defined in advance.
According to the prevalent “swinger’s credo” the traditionally assumed fidelity of the monogamous couple prods the bored members to “try a tryst” with the inevitable emotional frustration when the truth inevitably surfaces. Swingers claim to maintain their emotional allegiance to one particular partner but expressly allow the sexual experimentation with other people. Their sexual arousal often depends on the double role of actor and spectator in the sexual act, i.e. the “voyeur”, which is essential for their satisfaction. Their occasional partner becomes a true “object of pleasure” in their minds; in French swinging is called “échangisme”, which typifies an objectification.
The use of adequate protection like condoms to avoid mishaps is mandatory as well as the tacit understanding that a partner can say “no” anytime. The practice with non-vetted partners is discouraged. Except on a few occasions.
Long, long time ago (before I became a monk of Medicine) one of my dates suddenly looked at me in the eye in the middle of dinner at a resto. She said:
-“Hey, my married twin sister is arriving in town later tonight.”
-“Really?” I casually replied. “Should pick her up at the airport—”
-“Thanks darling,” she said caressing my face.” Mmm…do you mind if she stays with us for the week-end? She freaks out if she has to sleep alone..Don’t deny me!”
What do you want me to say? In the arduous slogging of that insomniacs’ night my generous predisposition to be a Good Samaritan got the very best out of me…
What do you think? Please tell us.
Don’t leave me alone.