-“Doctor…When we make love, it hurts—my husband doesn’t get it.”

Making love is much more than bringing a penis and a vagina together. When we make love in a satisfying steady relationship we are bringing also our socio-cultural baggages with all the connotations of biased perceptions. Modern sexology states that, except for a few clinical conditions, there are no sex pathologies to correct but common complications that need fixing.

These complications can involve the sexual desire, the foreplay, the orgasm and even the presence of pain at the time of penetration or other contact. The common denominator of most sex dysfunctional syndromes is the lack of communication between the partners that impedes to find a proper solution.  The two most common sexual dysfunctions in our modern societies are:

1 – Lack of lubrication: this problem is especially annoying as the female experiences severe pain at the time of penetration in a dry receptacle. The use of gels and a laser treatment with the segmented CO2 can alleviate it.

2 – Localized pain during intercourse: this is a common occurrence post-partum as the surgical stitches can alter the anatomy of the vulva and make a re-alignment of the whole cavity. It can also be fixed with laser therapy.

Even though the sensitive terminals in our sexual organs collect the signals, they are ultimately processed in the brain to deliver its final message to us. One of the most common temporary sexual dysfunctions is when a woman has her first child and then has to resume her sexual bond with her partner. In my novel, Emily, the main character, has difficulty making a switch:

“Emily was having trouble managing her body’s mutation from the erotic perspective of a young woman to the nurturing one of a new mother. Her vagina, where her desire resided, had been the transit for a debut in life.

With the passing of time the rhythmic contractions that propelled her son out were losing their edginess and were gaining some kind of musical cadence.

Impregnable. The Janussian auto-antonym for the feminine ethos.

Two women with contraposing perspectives share a single vagina.”

What do you think? Please tell us.

Don’t leave me alone.





32 thoughts on “The painful coitus

  1. Good evening!

    While I, as a Gemini, love the image of Janus, I’m more struck by the implication of the lack of communication and wonder if it is simply the lack of communication rather than a lack of, more specifically, lovingly listening to understand, arouse, and please.

    1. Good morning and thanks for the nice commentary dear Gwen. Good communication is always necessary for the well being of the couple but the partners must perform well in bed too. Un baccione. Arrivederci!

  2. Dr. Sahib, love-making is not a lovemaking at all in a sense of the terms when one partner suffers pain while the other scarcely is sensitive to other’s pain rather wants to increase it! Love making is synonymous with being in the valley of compassion while submerging into the sea of the unknown world. You have very clearly presented a picture of causes of pain and how best to relieve it. Your write-ups are always helpful. Thanks sharing. HARBANS

    1. Good morning dear Harbans and thanks for your nice commentary. I really liked the poetic metaphor of being in a valley of Compassion but ready to submerge into the sea of the Unknown. Have a blessed Sunday in the company of your love ones. Arrivederci!

  3. Good read and hi again, says the polite me.

    A woman can also experience painful sex if she has cysts on the ovaries or a vaginal infection.

    Then, there’s vaginismus which may be caused by fear of being hurt, right, dottore ?

    Next, an intercourse too soon after surgery or childbirth can have similar ‘consequences.’

    It’s not uncommon that the new mom sees herself primarily as a mom, as you said it, which isn’t really sexy. Besides, the whole idea of penetration and closeness with her partner may seem rather repellent for quite some time. My very close friends (a very interesting Peruvian-German combination), who have one of the most harmonious and loving relationships ever, recently became parents. They came for a visit a few weeks ago with their six-month-old baby and were at each other’s throat, which is precisely what happened to us when we got our baby. She was very specific about it, saying :’We’re happy and blessed. I hate his guts and can’t stand him. I don’t want to sleep with his ever again. Other than that we’re fine.’

    1. Good afternoon dear and thanks for such a polite welcome after my little refreshing nap. Being greeted twice by your beautifully unique person feels simply heavenly and makes me (sincerely) happy. Yes, it is not uncommon to see it in young couples that just had their first baby and they will surely overcome it. Meaning that next time they are at each other’s throats it will be for a more mundane, less confrontational issue like who takes out the trash at night.

      1. Good morning dear da-Al and thanks for your commentary. Please forgive me for not politely answering promptly yesterday but when you wrote I was watching a live sports program from Buenos Aires, listening to the panelists’ fuming about the defeat 6 to 1 of the national football team of your dear mother’s homeland against Spain in Madrid. Quelevachache!
        Turning to the article, you are absolutely right. As women age, they secrete less vaginal fluids and become more squeamish about the sexual act. It is just a matter of consulting your gynecologist for remedial measures and to discuss the issue of penetration with your sexual partner. The worst thing that you can do is to ignore the problem or, worse, to avoid enjoying your sexual life with your “significant other.” Yesterday I was drinking “mate amargo” and I opened a small bag of “grisini” while I was watching the sports program. How about if I prepare a guest article about the origin of that most conspicuous and taken for granted,tasty yet simple, accoutrement in the tables of all the Italian restaurants? For my taste,you have been putting far too many dog tales in your page…
        Un baccione. Arrivederci!

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