– “Doctor…It’s tough living under the same roof sometimes—we’re doing it for the kids.”
Kim X. is a very nice middle-aged nurse that has been separated from her husband for a few months already; they decided to stop their relationship because they weren’t in love anymore. They did it on good financial terms and decided to stay in separate rooms of the same house; considering that their two children are only 5 and 10 years old, they are threading carefully. For the time being they have reached an “entente cordiale” where they discreetly pursue their loving affairs outside the house but inside it they both emotionally support their young ones every day.
She confided that fact to me because she knew that I have been separated from “the mother of my children” since the beginning of the millennia but we have stayed very close all the time, with some ups and downs of course. Our two children were very small then and we made the conscious decision to relegate our personal lives a little in order to keep a watchful eye on them. I recently saw “Wind River”, an action film where the main character suffered because his daughter had been assassinated by a straggler when he had been fulfilling his duties as an Alaska park ranger. He admonished the female FBI agent that was helping him: “when you have kids, you can’t even blink. Not once.”
A few days ago, I listened to a panel discussion in “France Inter”, the leading private radio operator in France, where they discussed precisely this cohabitation arrangement. In general, the French have been quite permissive in their sexual and loving relationships, never doubting to change their spouses and or companions at the slightest hint of marital malfunction. However, the recent experience of thousands of young women, many of them working poor and members of Minority groups, has rekindled this perennial question: “do women need men to raise kids?”
Of course, they don’t, all the panelists agreed. But the presence of “the father figure” is needed. Most of the ladies confessed that raising a male child with a lot of love and dedication sometimes produced uncontrollable brats that felt entitled to anything. “Mom will give it to me” they said. The limits set by the vigilant presence of “the father” helped the youngster learn some basic civic virtues like respect and tolerance of the others, so necessary in our convulsed modern times. They even suggested that the rising crime rate of the “quartiers peripheriques” full of immigrants from Northern Africa and Eastern Europe could be countenanced by more social services. The present configuration of Paris entails the creation of a peripheral circumvoluting road that keeps those “undesirables” out of the more sanitized, clean and touristy “centre de la ville.”
What do you think? Please tell us.
Don’t leave me alone.
Good evening!
As a teacher I’ve had a front row seat to the experiment western civilization has had in the rearing of children absent one or both parents, the bitter feuds that have arisen between adults where the children became cannon fodder, and the tragic ends that come from the loss of basic human decency in the loss of a single relationship. Relationships shape and define us and denying those in their development access to healthy relationships denies them the opportunity to grow wholly as a person. It is refreshing to read anything that isn’t utterly dismissive of the father figure. Well done.
Good morning dear Gwen and thanks for your nice commentary. Yes, we men are necessary after all. Ultra-feminism has made a damaging dis-service to millions of women worldwide by creating the fantasy that it’s better to kick the “father figure” out of the home and rearing of children. I am not referring to the sadly numerous cases bad men engaging in spousal physical and psychological abuse, drug or alcohol addictions, criminal activities, etc. When it is just a matter of “convenience” there are dire consequences for this irresponsible attitude. Now those “liberated women” are realizing it when they see the learning and social woes some (not all) of them have in school.
Un baccione. Arrivederci!
What an great article, it is very hard to live with other people, especially bloggers. Ha. Un beso, pa.
Thank you my dear son. I know I can be a little difficult to live with but we have a lot of fun, don’t we?
Excelente bloc. Los padres cometemos él peor error del mundo, al involucrar a lps hijos en nuestras peleas. Definitivamente lps padres debemos unirnos en la educación de nuestros hijos, así ya no haya relación de pareja. Los dos son muy necesarios en el crecimiento espiritual, fisico y moral de nuestros hijos. Gracias por tan interesantes temas tratados en su blog. Bendiciones!!!
Buenas tardes Margarita y muchas gracias por tu claro y acertado comentario. Que Tata Dios te bendiga a vos y tu familia tambien. Un beso grande y hasta la proxima.
Excelente doctor. Felicitaciones , usted es un gran hombre, doctor y me imagino un gran padre
Muchas gracias Mirgirita.
I have a few female friends here, most of whom are single moms. Though some got married in the meantime, they still think they don’t need men to raise their kids. Am I old-fashioned or conservative or they are so terribly wrong to think that the mom will do and that the father figure is not that necessary. BTW, all their kids, whether still in kindergartens or at school, have some sort of problems, from nutritional to behavioral. My questions is, why do still they hold a grudge against their ex-men, why are they prone to generalizations and how come they don’t realize where the root of the problem lies.
Have a nice weekend, dear.
Good afternoon and thanks for your nice and brave commentary. I wholeheartedly agree with you that our children should not be the innocent recipients of our personal grudges. Bravo for saying out loud what we all know and sometimes are afraid to say: kids need their “father figure” close by. Aren’t you concerned that the feminazis in your neighborhood will come out after you?
Un grosso baccione. Arrivederci!
Not really. Everybody’s entitled to their own opinion and leading a life they think best. If only more of them would think what’s best for their kids (instead of being so selfish).
You see I’ve been thinking of you, dear. Do you hold a grudge?
Ahhh…What a relief, dear! That you ARE thinking of me all the time! I am going to repeat the words of the French poet Paul Eluard when his wife Gala, the Russian lover of painter Salvador Dali, asked him point blank if he was jealous about their scandalous affair:
“Je peux supporter qu’il te touche mais pas que tu penses a lui.”
Lol.
She did leave him to marry Dali. I guess she was thinking of him too much. Or it was impossible not to love him, just like you, my dear.
Here’s one for you, dottore.
Piensa En Mi (cuando sufras)- Luz CASAL
Yes, dear.
I had a co-worker who was in a similar situation. Their “kids” were older, however, they needed to co-habitat for financial reasons. I thought it was sad, but you have to do what you have to do…
Good morning dear Del and thanks for your commentary.
It’s not that sad if you have your priorities straight. Our children come first. Always.
Have a nice day!