– “Doctor…My hubby gave me a dildo with a cute little tickling ear—such a sweetheart.”
When the time of Valentine’s Day came, most physicians would teasingly ask their lady patients if their “significant other” remembered the date. Usually they would start talking their heads off about beautiful flower bouquets, or bags of tasty chocolates or romantic dinners in smart restaurants. Or the three of them. But they would never dare to tell us what happened that night afterwards. Sometimes a giggle or a wink was all that we needed to know that they had had some fun; we never dared to ask for details.
Alicia X. is a very smart and gorgeous young clinical psychologist who happens to be my patient. She was never shy about her discussing her sexual preferences and frustrations, being a source of inspiration for many of the article in this series. Two years ago, she found her “soul mate”, a very nice businessman who adores her and literally lives for her and their one-year old daughter. Being an outspoken feminist, she proudly tells everybody that wants to listen that he is “super in bed” because he knows how to engage in the necessary foreplay to excite all her senses. Last year she told me that he had given her some saucy lingerie. But this year he went a step further. Way further.
Unfortunately, the malicious double sexual discourse of the perennial patriarchal society—on one hand exposing us to the more vile forms of pornography in the media and on the other hand playing prudish when the time to discuss healthy sexual behavior in the public forum—has blurred the significance of “sensuality” in our media. It originally refers to using all our senses—vision, hearing, smell, taste and touching—to potentiate our sexual experiences in an innovative way. The over-reliance of males in the issue of “penetration” in our phalo-centric cultures is based on the subconscious masculine fear of “not being able to satisfy her” in the bed and fail as a partner. If they would only know that her sexuality is not only limited to her vagina but distributed all over her body.
The concept of “sex” involves much more that a ready penetration of a cavity and empowered women are determined to remind and/or teach their partners about mind-spiritual connections. The sexual act begins when someone looks at another person in a different, original way and then approaches him/her for further contact. The mellifluous chat, the open flirting, the occasional touch, the furtive kisses, the sharing of exciting cultural and gastronomic events are part of the act. The ladies are shedding their traditional timidity and asking for more romance, more eroticism. Better listen, guys.
The sex toys are part of that ensemble of additives to make the sexual act more enjoyable for both. The special oils for relaxing massages, the online stimulation programs, the vibrating ring to prolong the erection, the provocative lingerie in black or red, the masks, the various vibrators, etc. Even though many men still consider them an unwarranted intrusion in their intimacy, which can distract their partners from the “business at hand”, more women are demanding their step by step inclusion. As it has been for centuries, the ladies are the ultimate arbiters in the intimacy of the bedroom.
What do you want me to say? I still can’t figure out what that cute little ear is supposed to tickle…
What do you think? Please tell us.
Don’t leave me alone.