Since the posting of our previous article about Clandestine liaisons in pandemic times, we have received a few discrete yet forceful email messages from our readers with varying kinds of commentaries. One of the most surprising has been the request of a manly reader (yes, men do read our page too) to share signs of wifely infidelity. Bowing to his request, we are sharing an excerpt from our new book Emotional Frustration – the hushed plague. Please remember that we are just re-transmitting “what others have said”, and it is not necessarily our opinion (sic)
Men brag about their affairs, but women—much better at histrionics as they internalize the script lines to give the illusion of veracity—are truly perfidious. For men, the feminine infidelity can be puzzlingly cryptic. What are its telltale signs?
- Suddenly having her cellular phone out of the reach of her partner.
- Excessively worry about her personal appearance.
- Make plans with “friends” that are unknown to her partner.
- Being unusually emotional and happy.
- Arrive home late from work and being hard to reach.
- The irrepressible impulse to hide her feelings.
- Being sarcastic and indifferent in her formal relationship.
- Lack of interest in her partner and common activities.
- Flirting with other men (or women) that might be old friends.
- Loss of libido and disdain for her partner. [i]
The last feature might be the easiest one to conceal, as supposedly women might be less keen on sex than men are, for which the latter often miss the mark. Antoni Bolinches said that some shrewd women before being unfaithful might fabricate a false couple crisis—based on real tenets or not—in order to buffer their guilt complex after their misdeed.[ii] Men are not the only ones having fun. Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and author, said that since the 1990s, the number of women who have cheated in their couples increased by 40%.[iii]
A nugget of wisdom. Your wife stopped nagging you. Did the storm pass? Beware. It is the eye of the hurricane before its outer ring comes crashing. Didn’t you notice that she cares more about her waistline and started a new diet? Didn’t you notice that she has some furtive chats in a phone unavailable to you? Didn’t you notice that she has new, exciting friends that are unbeknownst to you? Didn’t you notice that she works until late and comes back home with a smile? Didn’t you notice that she seems absent-minded and hums ballads all the time? Didn’t you notice that she looks at you with a mischievous glint in her eyes? Didn’t you notice that even the family dog looks at you in a funny way lately?
Men try to callously conceal their transgressions by hook or crook.
Like a reverse-Sherlock Holmes, women blow clues to the four winds.
Usually women engage in adultery, not because they have “an irresistible urge for sex” like we men do, but rather because there are emotional frustrations that have been sapping her strength. If you want to find out how to remedy these situations, you might have to buy our new book…
[i] “Bajo Sospecha. 10 errores que cometen las mujeres infieles (y las delatan frente a sus maridos)” Entemujeres, Clarín, Buenos Aires, 23 Enero 2015.
[ii] “Vinculos” Ibidem as above.
[iii] Esther Perel “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity”, Harper Collins, New York, 2017.
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